Those Words given by My Parent Which Rescued Me during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues during the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a healthy space. You need some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to discussing the strain on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a broader inability to open up among men, who still internalise damaging ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that soon enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the chance to take a respite - taking a few days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "bad decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, tell a trusted person, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before having a baby. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."